I know I have to finish up a post, I know I have to take a much needed shower too...but this life of mine just keeps getting derailed for weeks at a time in a blur of nothingness sprinkled with shit. I am baffled at the level of overall encompetancy in this shitty little world of rats scratching in the dirt.
The second I woke up this morning I had a placenta of misery and dread surrounding my body which then just kind of melted into a bad oozy mood. Since my great excommunication and royal screwing over by my Lyme practicioner I have been in suspended animation of fear and pretty much utter I-don't-really-care-to-see-another-day blankness. Oh I thank god for my kids the most. This is the first real bout of depression that my 2 yr old has seen me in. What makes me irate is this depression isn't coming from some kind of chemical imbalance...it is coming from life being so fucking cruel, and not even in a purposeful, spiteful way - something I could at least wrap my head around - I hate depression.
Does Lyme cause depression, or is just feeling like you are the walking, joyless, painful dead that kicks that baby into high gear??
My husband has called an attorney about what *llina H&C did to me, their illegal dumping of a patient. Honestly, if we were the kind of family that good luck smiled on I would say we actually have a case of Med Mal.
"Regardless of the situation, to avoid a claim of "patient abandonment," a physician must follow appropriate steps to terminate the patient-physician relationship. Abandonment is defined as the termination of a professional relationship between physician and patient at an unreasonable time and without giving the patient the chance to find an equally qualified replacement. To prove abandonment, the patient must show more than a simple termination of a patient-physician relationship. The plaintiff must prove that the physician ended the relationship at a critical stage of the patient's treatment without good reason or sufficient notice to allow the patient to find another physician, and the patient was injured as a result. Usually, expert evidence is required to establish whether termination in fact happened at a critical stage of treatment." From the AMA
I have had to put up a lot with abuse from the medical commity. I have been bullied, made to cry, insulted, screamed at, mocked, forced to take medications and undergo proceedures, repeatedly, that didn't work, that made things worse, and once instance in the ER, having heart irregularity, I couldn't even get a doc to come in and check out my heart - my husband and I ended up having to walk out after over 3 hours of waiting. I evenutally started havingmade to bring my husband to every single appointment so the doctors would treat me better, and with some legitamacy - basic respect.
How do you other people in this world handle the destruction of your life and still learn to live it?
Okay...part II is coming up next.
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