Scared for baby A. Had to take her off the antibiotics immediately after just one dose of Ceftin, as it just tanked her system. What to do now? The scary thing is that it is still another month until we can see our LLMD again, and NO doctor in our area will be able to, or will help us. A has started falling, just like J (my 3yr old) did, and I am in a panic to get her started on treatment so she doesn't end up with permanent paralysis or whatever other devastation the Lymes has planed to do to her sweet little innocent body. It is all I can do to keep from sobbing because right I might just lose it and start screaming the screams that have been parked in queue in my throat for months. Plus I have close neighbors that already think I am batshit and well...I am trying to keep the peace with them, for my kids, and to keep my mind/heart from fracturing into a thousand pieces. However, if I felt that my screams would do any good I would gladly sacrifice my vocal chords to them right now.
It is so unfair - life isn't fair, I know, my mom told me this a thousand times when I was a kid - that the majority of the medical community won't treat something that is treatable, and that my kids -and tens of thousands of other kids - have to suffer and sacrifice their lives and futures. I don't even care that I have to suffer...I am just sick of being so helpless as my baby gets worse and there is nothing that I can do to help her. I am so fucking rageful of the complete inhumanity of it all. Torrents of rage at the CDC, the NHI, and all the other organizations in bed with big pharmaceutical companies (that drive profit before people) and will not allow doctors to treat people, who get this devastating illness by a simple tick bite, adequately and long enough with simple antibiotics (and alternative non-abx therapies/treatments) that could save people, my kids, from a lifetime of suffering and an eventual early death.
Why doesn't our President step in and end this needless gambling of lives nonsense....oh yeah, he gets campaign funding from Big Pharma so he wouldn't dare do anything to change these laws either.
Damn them to hell and shame on it all! I can't stand this helplessness. I am their mother for crying out loud; I am the one who is responsible for protecting them and I can't do that, I can't help my babies. F*** now I am crying and what a useless use of my energy. At least I am detoxing through the tears though. Thank god someone said that to me awhile back or I wouldn't have anything to laugh about.
I need some light, some kind of hope to cling to right now. Herxing non-stop, in a lot of pain myself and just feeling really, really beat down. God/Goddess/Supreme Universal Being(s) please help my family, help those that are suffering our same fate, find light and recovery and a newfound joy in being able to reclaim our lives and live again with renewed purpose to help others who will come after us and need our help. Help us! Please....
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