I wasn't crazy....I was sick with Lyme's Disease

So, it has been a long time since I have posted and a lot has happened.  This blog was originally a  Post Partum Depression blog but I found out this last July, after 3 1/2 years of being really ill both physically and mentally, that I have Chronic Lymes Disease, probably not PPD at all, and that I passed it to my two beautiful girls, who will be 2 and 4 this December, in utero, and most likely to my husband.  We have made a family decision to treat myself and my girls first before doing any testing or treating on my husband.

It has been a raw, scary, painful, horrible waking nightmare so far.  The bad has very much outweighed the good for me...plus I tend to be a bit pessimistic and that isn't helping matters either. 

I have to probably also say that I am not a bloggie person but purging this horror, that is now my and my daughter's life is somewhat cathartic.  Part of why I am posting my journey about living with Chronic Lymes Disease is because it is a hidden epidemic, very much like AIDS was when it first appeared, and there are a lot of people out there, like me, who have no idea how to navigate this disease that has no exact cure, and that you can't get medical treatment for. Basically I have decided to make Lymes disease my champion cause, and want to force it into the public eye, in a way, so those of us that are deteriorating from this illness can get the help we deserve. The other reason is that purging the raw fear of what is happening to my body and brain (to my tiny little daughters' bodies and brains) helps me focus and keeps me in fighting mode, keeps me from giving up. So bear with me as I am still stuck in the 1st stages of grief; I feel like my daughters and I have been handed a death sentance and I haven't quite wrapped my head around the magnitude of it all. And so I am in the self-absorbed, whining, pity party stage, if you will, and haven't hit the ass kicking constructive warrior stage yet where I get the all positive and take no prisoners attitude. It is really hard to feel like a warrior when you can't even get off the couch to brush your teeth.