I am in a hurry because my husband and I have our 1st couple's therapy session today...hahahah, just kidding, we have our second. The first one was entirely erased from my memory so I am excited, today, like it is my first time meeting our therapist and what she will think.
Anyway, after a mother of a long herx, where the pain got so bad I went crawling to the ****** Pain Clinic for help as neither my PCP or my LLNP were available, or going to make themselves available. Anyway, they actually helped me after an hour of sobbing uncontrollably and telling them that I have already done all of the THERAPIES, in this town, that I can afford. So they gave me dilaudid and I can't even tell you the difference of pain relief between vicoden/percocet/methadone & dilaudid. I was in so much NOT pain that I was able to get down on my hands and knees and play with my children for the first time in four years!
Unfortunately those magic pills ran out after a few days, because of course the Pain clinic has no interest in actually managing my pain so I can function on a daily basis, and I went back to being completely immobile and miserable again. However a weird thing happened. A few days later I got my period and the herx basically abated, for the most part. I was blown away. Before Lyme my periods were as regular as clockwork with horrible hormonal fluctuations that always seem to take me by surprise, for some reason. I have always had horrible PMS, Post MS, During MS, and then I would get about a week respite where my body and psyche felt normal and good. I started my Lyme treatment at the same time I stopped nursing my 16 month old: I hadn't had a period for over two years at this time and lost all track of my hormonal cyclic destruction. Another thing I have noticed with treatment is that I have been getting horrendous 3 day migraines right before I get my period. All in all, the frequency of my migraines has gotten a lot less, as has the intensity of my 24/7 headache. I know the pain meds help, but I also think the abx have helped too.
So, for the last three weeks I have been in a desperate and horrible state with this last herx. I had tried doubling and tripling my pain meds and nothing. I tried gallons of lemon water, upping my milk thistle, drowning myself in Epsom baths and daily coffee enemas...and NOTHING! I ended up resorting to endless whining to the very nice people in my online Lyme support groups. They were patient and encouraged me to keep hanging in there...but even that stopped being very reassuring. I ended up getting pretty hopeless after week two and was starting to have some suicidal ideation. It was scary and very distressing. The tail end of week three, of this monster, marathon herx, pushed me into an embarrassing meltdown involving; some rum on an empty stomach, a Shakira album at top volume, my old coin skirt and bracelets, boas and faux fur wraps, green and baby blue eyeshadow over my eyebrows, belly dancing (badly) with my kids while sobbing uncontrollably, and the grand finale, my pièce de résistance, was me trying to escape my house in my socks in below zero weather and causing a possible 'domestic' scene on my icy front lawn. Thank god my good friend, who was over helping me, kindly manhandled me back into the house and put me to bed in all my Shakira glory where I blessedly passed out and woke with absolutely no memory of my night of shame. Sadly, very sadly, my kids did witness some of this and for that I am deeply, more, ashamed and feel like a terrible monster mother. What people don't understand, who are not me (or my husband), is the enormity of the fear, the pain, the hopelessness, the frustration, the anger, the helplessness, the sheer pressure of caring for sick kids while being practically bed bound 1/2 the month, the incredible loss of my life, the loss of being a wife and a mother and a friend and a productive person....all off this rolled up into one giant burrito that have to chew on non-stop; morning, noon & night...and plenty of hours that I should be sleeping but can't because of the insomnia monster who forces me to sit awake all night and think about how much of this hell burrito is left. While I don't really drink anymore, I badly needed to just have a release of all this negative weight that is slowly crushing me to death. Luckily my kids always have reliable and nurturing people around them at every turn....even when mama has completely fallen off the wagon and is being crushed under the wheels. I know I am beating myself up more than I should, but I don't want to scar them EVER....and as a parent that is a pretty impossible task even if you live in a normal and healthy household.
So back to why I originally wanted to post. Okay, the Wellness Pro 2010. A kind, kind, angel in one of my support groups has loaned me this very expensive machine/unit thing that sends vibrations into your body to kill the lyme bugs and for other nagging issues you may have, like pain and yeast. Because I am so desperate, albeit extremely skeptical of every and all treatments that claim to help pain and Lyme and related problems, I decided to just try it out and see what happened. Since I am currently not on my abx, because I only seem to only be getting much, much, scary worse, I am at a good place to actually see if this machine will help me. The Wellness Pro is not a rife machine, but more like a monster tens unit. I am still not clear on the difference between the rife and a tens, and trying to find a lot of really good, informative info has not really panned out well. That, and my attention span and ability to absorb info is not in great shape these days so it all just melts away into gibberish for the most part.
Saturday I did a sequence for Lyme and then the detox. I drank a lot of lemon water as instructed and waited...but didn't feel much difference. Maybe a little more energy but it was hard to say since I had just come off a three week, disabling herx...so everything felt a bit better by comparison. Sunday I did a bart sequence and felt like crap afterward. I followed it up with a lot of water and the detox sequence and then went to bed because I felt achy and headachey and anxious.
However, this morning when I woke up - I had to be up 2 hours before my normal wake time for couples therapy - and I was actually able to get out of bed and walk around without feeling completely crippled from the stiffness and pain in my joints! Normally, the first thing I do in the morning is have my hubby give me a pain pill and I lay in bed until it starts to kick in. Once it kicks in I am able to get up and move to the couch and have a morning cup of coffee and slowly get all my joints warmed up and moving so I can start taking care of my kids. Anyway, I think this is fabulous if it isn't a fluke. I will keep blogging about my experience with the Wellness Pro. I am really hoping that this helps, and that if it helps, other people can rely on this as a way to help with their issues. I am trying to finish this post fast because my kids are melting down and I have already spent more time on the computer than I intended....so, apologies that this post isn't edited for readability.
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