The fatigue has been unreal with this last herx. Normally my pain meds take away the fatigue - which is a great added bonus because that fatigue is a killer - but this time they aren't making a dent anywhere. I wish they had a better option for me than this. I would love to take anything other than the pain meds if they helped. I have tried probably over 40 medications in the last 4 years and the 2 pain meds I am on are the only ones that have helped at all. Really getting nervous that my next dx will be MS. Getting more and more MS symptoms, and while I know it is Lyme herx, I also know that the only way doctors will help you with your Lyme symptoms is by diagnosing it with something else. How ridiculous is that?? At this point I probably have over 12 diagnosis for what is wrong with me. Now doesn't that seem a bit odd why the doctors wont just admit it is Lyme?
There are a lot of diagnosis that I refused to be labeled with too. Initially when the doctors told me it was all in my head, that I was just depressed and anxious, they basically strong armed me into trying all kinds of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills. Most of these pills had such awful side-effects that I could see why mentally ill people would choose their mental illness rather than these horrible meds. 2 or 3 of them, I forget there were so many, made me literally suicidal and raging within hours....scared the crap out of my husband and my family. One minute Im a docile crybaby and the next the fire and brimstone devil himself. So...after months and months of this, my Psychiatrist kind of threw up her hands and said, "Do you think you could be Bi-Polar?," I was like, "WHAAAAAT!?" I have a step uncle who is Bi-Polar and I can guarantee you that was not my problem. I told her I really didn't believe that the Bi-Polar disorder fit me...even a mild Bi-Polar. She then told me that they often give people a diagnosis of Bi-Polar to patients when they cannot tolerate regular anti-depressants/anxiety meds. Now...who the flippity, how the flippity...I wanna know who is the Brains behind this moronic abuse of scientific thinking? Up until that time, I really had respected and liked my frustrated Psychiatrist. Now...I got really, really, really scared. It finally dawned on me that she doesn't know what the hell she is doing, either. I could be running the show for how much progress we had made in two years. Up until this point they all had me convinced I was losing my mind and that they could fix it with drugs that they couldn't really explain how they worked outside of the TV commercial soundbite you hear. 'My feel good brain hoses needed to be strangled so that my feel good balls would keep floating around and keep making me feel good...that sort of thing.'
It took me awhile longer to start to trust what I was feeling this entire time...that I was SICK, physically sick, and that it was because I was sick so long that it was causing me to be depressed and anxious. I did not know, at the time, that Lyme causes severe depression and anxiety. I do believe I truly developed PPD and PTSD with the birth of my first child because of the physical and psychological trauma I experienced, but I know that if I had gotten a correct diagnosis of Lyme earlier then I could have saved myself 3 years of utter hell and suffering. Of course I would have suffered anyway with the treatment...but I could have but I could have let my poor psyche off the hook and given it a break.
Sorry folks...this post was supposed to go somewhere and I feel like I am just rambling and rehashing everything I have already posted so I am going to end it here.
I am hoping for peace for you all...and also that you listen to your gut when you feel like there is something amiss. Our doctors, even our LLMDs do not know everything, nor do they have all the answers. You need to be an advocate for yourself in all avenues and that is really hard to do. If something isn't working then keep rattling your chains until these docs listen and help you change it.
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