Thursday, January 17, 2013

My post to Katie Couric's query, "What was your worst health scare?"

I ran out of some of my useless, but better pain meds and now am having had to resort to using my less than better, but useless pain meds.  I am in so much pain that I begged  my husband to pay for daycare (really don't need to beg, I have a wonderfully supportive husband) for the next two days for our kids because I am really starting to lose. it.  I am in a pretty bad and dark place. Prolonged pain and debilitating symptoms really start to get to you after awhile, and it truly is hard to think of reasons to want to keep your life going. Feeling like I am, right now, always takes me a LOT by surprise because I really never think of myself as a depressed or suicidal person, and it is very scary when you get so worn down that ending your life feels like a better option than the physical and mental suffering you are currently enduring. I am truly and thankfully very blessed that I have my kids because, without them, I honestly don't know if I would have the inner strength to go through all of what I am in order to maybe, one day, years from now...get better.  Anyway, one of the many bits of note-worthy info that swim by me on the vast internet sea was Katie Couric's quest for more knowledge...too tired to even be ironic.  But since the Lyme community has been rallying to give this woman what she asked for, and I don't have the kids, I decided to do my part for the Lymie movement.  Anyway, here is what I posted - sorry as it is pretty redundant from what I have already posted.  Lucky for me that I have no short term memory - thank you Lyme - it is all fresh stuff for moi. 


          The worst health scare, bar none, is my, and my two daughter’s (age 2 and 4) current battle with Chronic and Congenital Lyme disease.  I have had Lyme disease for most of my life but didn't know what was wrong with me; my mom brought me to all kinds of doctors while I was growing up and none of them had any idea either.  I believe I contracted Lyme at the age of 4, after having eight ticks imbedded in my back, and again at the age of ten and again at 12.  I developed strange and severe symptoms after each incident but we had no idea Lyme disease even existed.  My main symptoms in childhood were; a non-stop headache (at no time do I not have a low-grade headache), constant migraines, ear infections, allergies, severe eczema, anxiety, stomach problems, fatigue, and joint pain.  The severity and frequency of my migraines has cost me a lot of jobs in my life.  After a botched C-section with my 1st daughter (I had no anesthetic) I got really, really sick.  I got very depressed and anxious to the point of mania.  I was  so fatigued that I couldn't stand up or hold my newborn baby for long periods of time: It felt like I was walking through neck high mud wherever I went, even brushing my teeth was a monumental task that would take me hours to accomplish.  I was initially diagnosed with Post Partum Depression and PTSD (from the birth trauma), and spent the last four year seeing dozens and dozens of doctors (literally), doing dozens of therapies, taking dozens of medications with horrible side effects, all to help me get well and nothing has worked to date.  The diagnoses that I have accumulated, since the birth of my 1st child, are: Post Partum Depression/Anxiety/OCD, PTSD, Anxiety, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Chronic Pain Syndrome, Fibromyalgia, Major Depression, Bi-Polar...and I am pretty sure my next diagnosis will be MS.  I found out that I had Lyme disease and two co-infections, Bartonella and Babesia, and that I had passed them to my beautiful children in utero.  We all found out we had Lyme in July of 2012.  My four year old daughter has been very sick since she was born.  She has had so much wrong with her that it would take a book to describe it all.  Her major symptoms include; extensive food allergies (allergic to over 40 foods that we know of), severe eczema, gross motor delay, neurological glitches like tics and a recent seizure, anxiety, Sensory Processing Disorder, Hypotonia, insomnia, rages that include severe emotional meltdowns (multiple times a day) that go beyond normal toddler tantrums, constant stomach aches, chronic constipation, joint pain and leg spasms, headaches, chronic ear infections, eye problems, sinus issues, sleep apnea, and extreme nightmares -  Her Neurologist was convinced at one point that she was going to show mild Cerebral Palsy on her MRI but the MRI came back clean and he was flabbergasted!  There are probably more symptoms that I am forgetting to include, but I have no short term memory from my Lyme illness so my brain function is really poor.  My sweet four year old has had to endure more pain and suffering in her short life than a lot of people experience in a lifetime.  My wily two year old seemed to be the healthiest of all of us initially.  She is the only one of the three that has been able to get a CDC positive for Lyme disease.  Since she was born her symptoms have been; rages, anxiety, OCD, Sensory Processing disorder, nightmares, neurological gross motor glitches that include falling episodes, allergies, bouts of extremely high fevers with no other symptoms  and then extremely low temperatures out of the blue, headaches and joint pain.  I don’t know if there is anything more horrible than your one year old holding their head or knee and screaming in pain.  As a mother I have had to watch my children suffer horribly and there is nothing I can do to help them.  You see we can’t get a doctor to help us because they all say that Chronic and Congenital Lyme disease does not exist.  We are forced to see a Lyme Literate practitioner in another state because she is the only person that will help us.  All of our medical expenses are pretty much out of pocket, and we pay for health insurance yet are unable to use it for any treatment related to our Lyme disease.  We have spent over 30 thousand dollars since I got really ill four years ago.  Every year we completely max out our Out Of Pocket expenses, and this is on top of paying for all of our Lyme treatment out of pocket.  Since I lost my job last year because I was too sick to work, I am now a stay at home mom and trying to take care of two sick girls while I am almost bed-bound for half of every month.  I am in constant and excruciating pain, and my cognitive abilities are so compromised by my illness that I don’t drive much anymore, and rarely leave the house.  We are very lucky in that I have my parents close by to help, my husband and I, take care of our girls.  I have a good friend that also comes over to babysit me when I am so ill that I am literally paralyzed on my bed and unable to eat, drink or use the bathroom for several days in a row.  We don’t go to the ER anymore, when this happens, and I will explain why later.  My husband has been an incredible support system through all of this.  He is single handedly keeping our ship from sinking.  Because I am so disabled, my husband will get up in the morning before work and get the girls fed, then will come home at lunch and feed them before getting them ready for their nap, and when he gets home he will make dinner for all of us and get our girls ready for bed.  Because of the massive amount of stress and responsibility on his shoulders he is also starting to crumble and it is taking a huge toll on him, mentally and physically.  Lyme disease is one of the only diseases that also comes with incredible political controversy.  In fact, the controversy over this disease is so wide-spread that most people with this illness end up losing a lot of their family and friends over it.  It is one of the most socially isolating and lonely illnesses I have encountered, because it is so hidden, and because of the politics and controversy behind it.  The controversy is so prevalent that it affects all avenues of your medical/health care once you are diagnosed with this illness.  For Example, the first time I needed to go to the Emergency Room for heart arrhythmia (caused by complications of my Lyme disease), my husband and I were literally berated and screamed at by my ER physician.  I wish that this incident was isolated but it isn’t.  If you ask any person with Lyme disease about their experiences with how they have been treated while seeking any and all medical care they will tell you this same story, of abuse and disrespect, over and over again.  Well I have gone on long enough but I BEG of you to do a story about Lyme Disease, and on those of us (our children especially) that are suffering from this horribly debilitating disease.  Please help us have a voice so that at least our children can get the medical help they need to live and experience life.  Thank you for listening. 
Here is the link if you want to post your story too.  Go Lymies!
 
 
 
 

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